Lucky for me I only had the full crew for an hour before I sent the 2 oldest ones on the school bus. Melissa has 2 tiny dogs who love to hear the sound of their own voice.
Is that the wind? ARF! ARF! ARF! Is today Thursday? ARF! ARF! ARF! Did I just fart? ARF! ARF! ARF! You get the picture.
Miss Millie is an old lady and acts like one. She just likes to lounge around in her polar fleece mumu. Paco likes to do the same but he also likes to terrorize me. We've been on a pretty good streak. He likes to bark at me and then he begs me to pet him. I assumed the same kind of treatment while I was there. What I didn't anticipate was him turning bat shit crazy on me. He was acting like his normal crazy self until I put jackets on the kids and tried to leave the house. He went ballistic and I was certain he was going to bite me. He became unusually ferocious. I barely made it out of the house with my skin intact. My nerves were frazzled as we all walked to the bus stop. The next door neighbor mistook me for Melissa until we were mere inches from each other. "Oh, you're not Melissa. Are you her older or younger sister?" I was flattered she couldn't tell, I was nice and told her I was the older one but I could have thrown Melissa under the bus and claimed to be younger and she would have never known. I retold the tale of terror to her and she suggested either spraying Paco with water (He's not a cat, lady.... C'MON!) or barricade him in a room. As the bus arrived, Nora and Henry swarmed me with hugs and gleefully pranced to the bus. That left me and Amelia to fend for ourselves.
Suprisingly when we re-entered the Petry household, Paco was back to his normal self. I was wondering if he was suffering from a bipolar episode. That's when I decided to call my Mom for some doggie advice. Apparently Paco goes psycho when Melissa and Tyler aren't home and someone tries to take any of the kiddos out of the house. In his own twisted way he's trying to protect the little ones. #sweetnotsweet
Now that I knew the secret to his craziness I wasn't so scared. Next on the agenda, baby bonding. Amelia still gets the whole "stranger danger" vibe with me. I've been working on getting on her good side for almost 3 months! I threw her a party, I shower her with attention and I was born awesome. I'm not sure what else I can do. When Mama or Nanna are around there's no way I can get that girls attention. She's obsessed with them, but when they're not around I became her newest friend. We played and soon Amelia was just kinda flopping on the ground. Then she perked up and crawled all the way upstairs. Then she flopped around on the carpet again. I started to think, "Are you trying to tell me something?" As soon as I picked her up she closed her eyes and became a bit more cuddly. Plopped her in the crib and she didn't fight it #babyoff
That took up about 3.5 hours of our day together. I knew we were going to eventually have to leave the house and head up the hill to Nanna's because there was NO FOOD TO EAT! I take that back, there were Doritos, clementines and cheese balls for me but no real food for baby. While Amelia slept I devised a plan for our escape. I was like MacGyver. I found a piece of cardboard, a wooden cutting board and a barstool to create my doggie barrier. Since I am writing this blog post you can assume I successfully escaped the house with the baby and my skin intact.
I made the mistake of going to Nanna's house where I am practically chopped liver to Amelia. She didn't want to leave but I was determined to prove to Melissa that I could take care of her offspring. Amelia seemed to bounce back once we returned home. I looked at the clock realized we had 2 hours to kills. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO! For about 15 minutes we just stared at each other. At one point I got the bright idea to change the little ladies under-roos. While she was neked from the waist down I left her unattended for like 1 minute to fetch a dry diaper. In that span of time the baby peed all over the rug. I didn't realize this until I kneeled in a wet patch. I thought she had spilled her water and when I bent down to investigate (and honestly smell my knee) I discovered I was covered in wee. COSTUME CHANGE! Once we were dry I decided to give the little lady a bottle to make sure she was properly hydrated. 5 minutes into our cuddle/feeding sesh I felt a warm sensation come over my belly. It wasn't the longing for children of my own, it was the damn bottle! I had forgotten an integral part of the bottle assembly and we were covered in formula. Thank god it wasn't breast milk. COSTUME CHANGE #2 Now I am exhausted. We played some more and then Tyler came home. Later Amelia, catch you on the flip side!